Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
