she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
