you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
