Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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