I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
