He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
