my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
