his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
