My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
