im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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