I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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