last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
