She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
