i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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