well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
