...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
