i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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