I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
