She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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