i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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