You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
