Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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