i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mom said you looked used
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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