He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
