That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
