I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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