nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize