Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
