Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
