i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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