i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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