happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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