Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
