Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drunk is not a location!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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