New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think my moral compass just broke
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