I CAN MOONWALK!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize