Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
