people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
