I seem to have left my pride at pride
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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