Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize