i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
