come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
