So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
