Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
