Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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