Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
