you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
