So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
