Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
