I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
