I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
