Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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