Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
