dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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