I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
