happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
