From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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