I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
