the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
