Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this just has baby written all over it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
