she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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