This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
