ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
