You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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