umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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