Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
