hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
