A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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