I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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