Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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