Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
