I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
