how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize