I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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