I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We smell like vodka and hangover
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