I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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