I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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