i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
