Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
