i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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