it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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