Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
