Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
