Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
