i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
