Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
