Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
