i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
