how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drake has all the answers
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
