I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
