Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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