I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
smell my finger.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
